


take care (i'll be gone and you'll be left)

by oikawakkun



Series: HQ Angst Week 2020 [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Day 4 - all the tiers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Haikyuu Angst Week 2020, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Post-it Notes, no beta i just live through the embarrassment of my own typos and edit it later, the 'death' itself isn't even mentioned in detail tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:42:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27385885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oikawakkun/pseuds/oikawakkun
Summary: It all started when Akaashi received a message written on a post-it note under his desk one Friday afternoon.Then the post-it notes turned to random doddles on his notebooks and then it turned to something else entirely.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: HQ Angst Week 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998721
Comments: 7
Kudos: 34





	take care (i'll be gone and you'll be left)

**Author's Note:**

> the tiers for Day 4 were a bit harder to work with since i had two ships i wanted to work on with this particular plot, but in the end bokuaka won since i love keiji too much!! anyway, im dedicating this fic to JJ and Gel since they're the reason why i started shipping bokuto and akaashi in the first place!! I hope you like it :D
> 
> (also please listen to [잘있어 (Take Care)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wd1Ih2Otd2Y) while you read this fic (for extra angst)

_Take care. Don’t be sick. Make sure to eat well._

_Take care. Erase all your memories with me._

_I’ll go now. It’ll be hard because the memories are too heavy._

**_— Kim Hanbin_ **

* * *

Akaashi had a secret admirer. It was either that or he was being bullied. 

Akaashi decided that the first option was a bit more likely of an explanation for the current content under his desk, his favorite tea brand from the vending machine sat at the very middle of his desk with a blue post-it note that was stuck at the very top of the bottle that said _'Take Care!! :)'_ written poorly in half chicken scratch half cursive.

Akaashi doesn't recognize the penmanship from anyone in his class.

This would be the second time this kind of incident happened. The first one happened last Friday when the same blue colored post-it note was taped to the front of his notebook with a short 'Have a nice day, 'Kaashi!' 

Akaashi found the message odd but he didn't bother to find out who it was from, thinking that it was just going to be a one time thing. _I_ _t's probably just a harmless prank or something_ , his mind supplied as he grabbed his things and went home, throwing the note to the nearest trash bin.

He already forgot about the strange incident during the weekend, only to find the same blue post-it note under his desk.

There was no denying that someone was trying to get his attention when the evidence presented itself right in front of him in full view. But Akaashi has never been on the receiving end of any sort of attention like this for the past fifteen years, so the idea of having a secret admirer baffled him for the rest of the day.

_Who could it be?_

* * *

The following week was filled with more post-it notes that range from variations of _hellos_ and _how're yous_ to random facts about the stranger, usually the message would just contain their thoughts and feeling about certain things and topics. 

After the fifth post-it note of the week, Akaashi has concluded that his secret admirer is quite childish and very talkative, from their way of talking and constant need to start their messages with _Hey! Hey! Hey!_ as if they were unable to contain their excitement. Akaashi soon found their behavior extremely endearing.

The stranger was also surprisingly bright and insightful.

They always seem to know whenever Akaashi's having a particularly hard day from school, usually offering Akaashi his own interpretations on a lecture Akaashi's been worrying about (although the interpretations are usually too far fetched and random) and would always draw random sketches at the top of Akaashi's notebook (he found a poorly drawn earth and a star right next to it with a short message that said, _"I'll be your morning star, so you'll never loose your way!"_ )

Akaashi tried to hide the smile on his face from the last message with his free hand, his face warming up despite the cold weather during that day.

* * *

Akaashi's secret admirer seems to really love volleyball.

Apart from the random _"Take care." "Don’t be sick."_ and _"Make sure to eat well."_ there is also a lot of random volleyball facts that are constantly being added to the messages Akaashi often receives after his club practice.

_What position is the coolest for you?_ The stranger would ask, followed by _"Obviously, the Ace is the coolest!"_ written in the same penmanship Akaashi's starting to look forward to reading everyday after class.

* * *

It's already been a month since the sudden influx of post-it notes started appearing under Akaashi's desk and he couldn't remember a time when he ever felt this close ** _—_** this _deeply_ invested with anyone else.

_Since when did he start looking forward to these messages?_

The notes still keep appearing whenever Akaashi leaves his desk alone and Akaashi's tempted to ask around if anyone's ever seen someone drop by. He starts to wonder what his secret admirer looks like, what sort of eyes do they have, if they ever wear their school tie properly, and if they're taller or not. He's already ruled out the possibility of them ever being a girl though, given the amount of times the stranger referred to himself with "俺" whenever he would talk about himself.

But the stranger never bothered to ask if they could meet up, which Akaashi always found a bit odd since he never expected the person to be the type to hide himself to anyone, they seemed like the confident type to Akaashi more than anything else. 

But the stranger seemed to prefer staying anonymous. So Akaashi decided not to pry, opting to wait until the stranger is comfortable enough to introduce himself to Keiji on his own.

If Akaashi's excitement and anticipation for that moment to happen is too obvious from the fond smile in his face, he doesn't comment on it, choosing to stay ignorant for a little bit longer.

* * *

Three months later and Akaashi's starting to run out of space inside his locker for all the post-it notes he's gotten.

He just couldn't bring himself to get rid of any them, not when each message contained all these heartfelt messages. He knows he's being sentimental when he even refused to throw a recent post-it note with the words "Think about what's fun, not what's easy 'Kaashi!" written on it which he received during a very frustrating day at club practice. 

The nickname still catches Akaashi off guard, no one has ever called him anything but his name before. Yet this person has managed to give him a handful of nicknames for the past three months alone, ranging from the acceptable ones like ( _'Kaashi_ ) to the random and embarrassing ones such as ( _Kei, Ji,_ and the most recent one— _Onigiri-Keiji_ , when they found out Keiji's blatant love for onigiri)

This stranger as managed to make Akaashi Keiji so unbelievably enamored ~~(and a little bit in love)~~ with him.

And Akaashi doesn't even know who he is.

_Maybe it's time you should?_ A voice inside his mind supplied, challenging and taunting. 

His curiosity won against any feeling of dread and with his mind set and his resolve made up, Akaashi sets off to grab a piece of paper and started to write.

_'Thank you for the recent bottle of Pocari, would it be possible for us to finally meet?'_

The paper is neatly folded in half and Akaashi leaves it under his desk when he left the classroom to head home.

Once he got home, the idea of finally meeting up with the stranger who's been occupying too much space inside his head ~~(and his heart)~~ wouldn't leave him alone, even in his dreams.

* * *

The following day, when Akaashi quickly checked his desk for a reply, he's surprised to find his desk completely empty.

His own note from the other day was gone and there wasn't any familiar looking blue post-it note to replace it.

Akaashi is quick to swallow the disappointment trying to slip from his throat as he buries the feeling away and forces himself to focus on the current lecture. He forces himself not to think about anything regading the note until the end of the lecture.

There's still nothing stuck to the back of his notebook by the end of the day and Akaashi doesn't know what to do with this feeling of disappointment.

_Did he mess up somehow?_

He left the school feeling even worse than the time he came to school sick with the flu.

* * *

The messages stopped coming after that and Akaashi is left wondering what went wrong, missing the usually childish messages from the familiar company he's come to know and love and the feeling of warmth that came with it.

_Why does missing someone hurt this much?_ Akaashi asked himself, feeling his heart breaking in the process, unable to pick up all the shattered pieces.

_The world is too quiet without it's own star nearby, too cold without the sun to warm it._

* * *

Days passed that soon turned to weeks and Akaashi is slowly able to put himself back together.

Everything fell into the same routine as before and Akaashi was more than happy to let his mind pretend like the past three months never happened at all. 

The emptiness and lack of blue post-it notes inside his desk was just something Akaashi had to get used to.

"It never bothered you before," Akaashi told himself as he started to pick his books and notebook out from the desk, the silence inside the empty classroom offered him no comfort at all. "This shouldn't be difficult to forget."

_Except, it is._ A small voice inside his head whispered.

Akaashi felt something slip from one of his notebooks and looked down to see what it was.

The familiar color of blue paper fell into the floor and with shaking hands, Akaashi picked it up and slowly read its contents.

'I really wish I could be there for you, 'Kaashi... But I just can't... and I'm sorry for that.' was written in the same half chicken scratch half cursive Akaashi's come to know and love.

A name was written at the bottom of the paper, but it was crossed out multiple times for Akaashi to be able to read it properly.

_It wasn't just fair._

Akaashi is furious, pain and anger mixing in his guts at the poorly written apology. So much for stars and broken promises. "If you can't even be here for me," Akaashi mutters, hurt mixing in his voice when he adds, "then just leave me alone." Akaashi's voice trembled at the end of the sentence, his tears making his vision blurry and he lets them fall freely for the first time.

_I wish we never met._

~~_I wish we could have._ ~~

Akaashi rips the piece of paper in half as his body shook from the ache in his chest as he cried his heart out in the middle of the empty classroom. His heart was broken once again and he doesn't even have a name to address the cause of it all.

* * *

Bokuto stood right in front of Akaashi, his entire presence unseen by the human eye as his ghostly hand ran through Akaashi's body, failing to hold him once again no matter how much Bokuto wanted to (how much he tried for the past three months.)

Feeling the same level of frustration and loneliness, Bokuto looked away from Akaashi's tear streaked face in utter dejection. 

_Pathetic, he was pathetic._ Bokuto thought to himself, as he clenched his fists in anger, unable to do anything but watch, listen, and write those damned post-it notes.

Falling in love with Akaashi was the worst thing Bokuto could have ever done to the both of them.

**Author's Note:**

> 俺 "Ore" - is a first-person pronoun with an extremely rough image, it is only used in a casual setting between people who are very close, often used by men.
> 
> as always, kudos and comments give me life! also, feel free to drop by and scream at me on [twt](https://twitter.com/oikawakkun)


End file.
